BARUCH DAYAN HAEMET

Shavua tov to all,

Approximately 10 minutes after Havdala tonite, I got a phone call informing me that my friend's mother (Nechama bat Runya, who I wrote about last Monday) was niftar today. The funeral took place tonight at Har HaMenuchot.

A tzadeket she certainly was during her lifetime, and her passing on Shabbat confirms that.

Since Pesach 2001, my friend lost first her father z'l, then her married brother z'l a few years later, then almost exactly a year later, her twin brother z'l. Now her mother z'l.

Her mother shared the same "loazi" birthday as me (May 15). Then again, so did another friend, Sara Popper z'l, who with her 6-yr. old son Shimshon z'l lost her life in a head-on collision on the Arava road in a car driven by her husband Ami.

Now I am the only "May 15th-er" left among my friends.

May her memory be a comfort and a blessing to the remainder of the family and to all who knew her.

Please pray for Sara bat Nechama (my friend/daughter of the deceased) and her brother Ze'ev (from NYC). These are the only two family members left.

If anybody's reading this and wants info. re the shiva, please comment back and I'll reply.

B'surot tovot to all of Am Israel.

ROCK AROUND THE CROSS

I just gotta conclude my blogging for today with a little ditty I learned from JDL buds, that I still laugh at after many, many years....

It's called Rock Around the Cross and goes to the tune of Rock Around the Clock (the old Bill Haley & the Comets song):

Joseph said to Mary, I like your bod

Let's have sex and blame it all on G-d!

We're gonna rock around the cross tonite

We're gonna rock, rock, rock till the broad daylight

We're gonna rock, gonna rock, gonna rock around the cross tonite!

Mother Mary

She's the Most!

She got screwed by the holy ghost!

We're gonna rock around... (see above)

Ta till next time.

LATE-NIGHT RECUPERATION THOUGHTS

Since I didn't get to sleep last night/this morning until after 3 a.m., not doing much of anything today. Good opportunity to blog whatever comes to mind.

I just posted an ad in Janglo asking whether there are any female Jews out there from Cajun country, and that whoever replies, I'll tell them why I'm asking. Been meaning to do that for a very long time now, and finally took the plunge. Gotta start somewhere.

I feel that this blog is a G-dsend. The reason I created it was not to get publicity or rave reviews from readers, but to be able to express myself fully when there doesn't seem to be anybody to listen fully and be fully attentive to me when I'm talking to them. This has been happening to me lately, just a few times too many not to notice. I find it very hard to take. I tell myself often these days that I need to find a whole new set of friends, who can fully relate to me and be 100% there for me. I know everybody has his/her own set of problems and distractions. But this kind of thing just seems to be happening to me a little too often, and I'm feeling that G-d is trying to tell me something... In the meantime, this blog allows me to fully express myself for as long as I want - the blog always has time for me! Anytime! It's a great invention.

I find it hard these days to find people to whom I can relate, or who can relate fully to me. It's very frustrating. Which is why I'm now writing in this blog at 4 pm in the middle of Chol HaMoed Pesach.

I feel in my gut that there are big changes coming in my life, but I can't pinpoint or even guess what these might be.

And then there's the problem of men.... Those very, very few (well, at the moment I can count them on 20% of one hand) I am immensely attracted to, but for whatever reason are wrong for me. And those many who repel me (or perhaps are repelled by me?), or to whom I'm indifferent. The problem of not feeling sexual at all for a very long time. And the question that I have yet to answer satisfactorily to myself: What if I'm in the same place with a guy I'm attracted to, and he starts coming on to me???? Oh, I'm great at planning scripts of what I would say, I have it all mapped out in my head. Like, the fact that I'm looking for either 100% or 0% in relationships, no more flings, affairs or one-night stands. Been there, done that... not being exactly proud of all I've done sexually. But then again, I haven't been tested for a very, very long time... the last time, years ago, I failed the test miserably with a guy I should never have gotten involved with in the first place (he was married). So what guarantees me that I would pass any future test? Especially with a guy I feel an amazing kinship to (not necessarily a sexual attraction)? Could I/would I resist? I'm kind of hoping that I've learned something from past mistakes and resultant hurts and that therefore the answer's a resounding YES.

These are current turmoils in my heart and soul that I have to grapple with, and I'm hoping that, like those sick people who created and wrote their own turmoils in their own blogs and eventually found solace, that I, too will arrive at some definitive resolution...

CAJUN KREPLACH: AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME!

Well, it's past time! Last night I attended the Jewish rock & soul festival at the Dead Sea. Nice, but - just nice.... Group after group after group - each one sounding, looking, playing and singing exactly like every other group. Not saying they were no good, and I like Carlebach as much as the next person. But it seems to me that EVERY religio-rock band does exactly the same kind of music, lyrics, and some bands even share members, as I witnessed last night... Gets boring. I finally decided I'd had more than enough over-saturation of the same kind of music all evening and got back home a little earlier than expected.

I don't know, it seems like I just can't communicate my enthusiasm for Cajun music to anyone else I know. It's just not contagious! Their eyes immediately glaze over because they are either unwilling or unable to relate. One friend told me last night, everything starts with a dream. Yep, everything, even starting my own female Cajun Jewish group. Herzl said, if you will it, it is no dream. Well, Herzl, with all due respect, never tried to get a Cajun Jewish band off the ground...

Hell, even the audiences all look alike at these events. Last night was by far not the first such event I've attended over recent years. The difference was the open-air, Dead Sea warmth and the Sea itself glistening in the background.

I can almost picture my girls up on last night's stage, performing our guts out and letting it all hang out musically, and the people dancing in the aisles, or in last night's case, the sands. NOBODY - but NOBODY - can stay plastered in their seats for long with OUR music playing! That's how I see our as yet non-existent group. Maybe in Israel nobody knows what Cajun music is, but it's about time - past time - they found out. Oh, of course, everybody knows what Cajun food is.

I was so saturated and Carlebached-out by the time I left, I missed the one group I was really interested in seeing, Reva l'Sheva. I guess they saved the best for last.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not sorry I went last night. The proceeds from the event are going towards protecting buildings in Sderot. Also, on the bus on the way to, I was sitting next to a guy from Brooklyn, to whom I pointed out various landmarks and objects and places along the way, for which he thanked me "for the guided tour". He looks like somebody I could be interested in... but he was with a female friend (for some inexplicable reason she was sitting in a different part of the bus) and he's going back to Brooklyn soon.

I also met two girls on the bus, both in their early 20's, and I immediately noticed that one of them had R. Kahane's book, Why be Jewish, with her and was reading it avidly. We got talking at length, and it turns out the book speaks to her exactly as it spoke to me back in the late '70's when it first came out and when I first read it. G-d bless these young people, who either weren't even born yet or were only little kids when the Rabbi was murdered, yet they are as enthusiastic Kahanists as the generation before them who knew R. Kahane, HY"D. It's very, very heartening personally to me, to see this phenomenon. Also of little kids of age 10-15 giving out Kahane literature on the streets, who weren't even born yet when the Rabbi was murdered. It just goes to show that the Truth never dies, even though its purveyors will, someday.

And you know what? This scares the shit out of the powers that be here in this country... that they can never kill the truth, no matter how hard they try!

Short intermission to post an ad in janglo...

YOUR PRAYERS ARE URGENTLY REQUESTED

If anybody's reading this blog at this time, please pray for a refuah shlemah u'mehira for Nechama bat Runya, age almost 81. She's the mother of a dear friend who collapsed after getting dialysis last Friday and she has been lying unconscious in Sha'arei Tzedek Hospital ever since, and her daughter - my friend - has never left her side. This is where she spent Shabbat and Pesach.

Her mother is currently sedated but is being weaned off the sedation and breathing machine and is being fed intravenously with liquid food.

I was there today to visit and to help however I could. The big question is whether she will be coming out of the unconscious state enough to get another dialysis tomorrow morning. If she's too weak and still unconscious, she will not be getting dialysis.

My friend has lost her father (first day of Chol HaMoed Pesach 2001) and two out of three of her brothers (one of whom was her twin brother) since their father's passing. She has no other family left except for another brother (who lives in NYC and who will be arriving be"H this coming Wednesday).

We, her friends, are all very worried about what will become of her when the inevitable happens...

Pray hard for her.

LET-IT-ALL-HANG-OUT RAMBLE

Well, here goes, haven't blogged for a couple of days, and I just need to get it out of my system before I hit the sack tonite. At least I'm taking off work tomorrow to finish as much Pesach cleaning as I can, plus some other things.

Seriously, I don't know how I would ever get through Pesach cleaning without my Cajun music! To have cleaned the fridge without it playing in the background - and all my favorite Cajun tunes yet - would have been unbearable torture!

I don't think I'll ever understand G-d. There are so many seemingly endless preparations involved for Pesach - cleaning, purchases, selling chametz, putting away chametz utensils, dragging out the Pesach utensils, etc. etc. etc. ad infinitum. And all this huge effort - for one very short week! Why didn't G-d at least make it all worthwhile by making Pesach for 2 weeks? Heck, I can eat matzah for 2 weeks - especially if it's light bran.

I read today in A7 how the security prisoners are pushing for a release of Jewish prisoners by Israel's 60th birthday, as an evenhanded gesture and counterbalance to releasing Arabs. Especially in light of the fact that the govt. is releasing two notorious Arab murderers. Hell, poor Jeff gets no furloughs and no third-off, no breaks at all. And he didn't even have the gun in his possession!

Don't you just hate that powerless feeling you get when you've batted your head against the wall looking for solutions that can help people you know who are in trouble, and yet you run up against a brick wall and realize there really isn't anything further you can do...... When I talk to Jeff, this is the feeling I get. Here's a poor simple-minded hick from the hills of N. Carolina, whose mentality is so different from the Israeli one, and even from that of most Americans. The Shabak, the judges, the cops don't want to be bothered trying to understand him and where he's coming from...

Same story of frustration with my dear friend in Tel Aviv. It so aggravates me and frustrates me that things only get worse for her, never better. Now she's come to the conclusion her phone is bugged and so she called me tonite from a pay phone. I didn't even get a chance to ask her where she's going for Seder. She was clearly frazzled and disturbed, and I think she's heading for a nervous breakdown, but I'm powerless to do anything about it. It is so destroying her, living in that place.... and yet she can't afford to move anywhere else. What do I tell her, how do I help her?? I suppose she just needs somebody to listen to her. But now I can't even call her, she's severely restricting her use of the phone because of the apparent tap on her phone. It's so freaking frustrating for me. Personally, I like to be on top of things and in control and in order. When I see my friend's life so disordered and out of control, it just makes me want to scream!

So my day off tomorrow will be preoccupied with cleaning, with Post office, and whatever my fertile and overdeveloped superego comes up with.

Oh, hell, I forgot to write those thank you's to Jeff's donors, that I've been putting off for days now. Gotta stop the rambling temporarily....

SHABBAT THOUGHTS AND STUFF

Today I read an article in the JPost re one Benny Morris, an author who has come to the conclusion that it's either them or us in this country; that it was always 'jihad' since the beginning of their wars against us; that this isn't a war over territory, but a religious war. Hmmm..... where have I heard those sentiments expressed before? It was also written in the same article that Morris was once a darling of the Left. I doubt that, after writing the above, he's such a darling to them anymore.

But he does differ in a big way from Rabbi Meir Kahane HY"D: No mention of Israel's existence, and subsequent successes, being brought about by G-d. In fact, G-d gets no honorable mention anywhere by Benny Morris. He just throws up his hands and says he doesn't know what to do about the problem. And to him, it's still not possible, for moral and practical reasons, to throw out the Arab enemy.

Boker Tov Benny! You came to all the right conclusions but for the wrong reasons. Israel came into being - because G-D WANTED IT TO! There is a G-d in this world, Benny! A G-d of reward and punishment. YES - AND PUNISHMENT! One Who punishes us collectively for not making the kind of state that He wants. For not at least protesting the kinds of horrific things that go on here. For being apathetic, individualistic and burying our heads in the sand and in that way, hoping that the problems will just go away.

Today I was sitting outside reading the paper and observing people. Israel is a beautiful country - but it contains a lot of people who are negative, confused and spiritually very ugly. This spiritual ugliness a lot of time is reflected in physical ugliness, too. You see it even in beautiful women and men. There's a certain "hardness" to that beauty. Hard to explain, but I see it.

I want to be around the Beautiful People - those with beautiful souls and minds and hearts, and they shine on the outside because of it! People who have their heads on totally straight. People who "know what's important" (this was the advice R. Kahane always gave). Don't want to be around apathy, ignorance, boorishness and ugliness any more.

Tough week coming up. Lots of heavy-duty cleaning. Shavua Tov to all!